Plagiarizing a true gem

Sometimes, when I'm thinking about what to write here, I visit my favorite free dating website's Inbox for some inspiration.  And, I'll admit, sometimes I wonder....what would it be like to go out just once with this guy just to see if I can get another side splitting story.  Instead I'm just going to plagiarize his entire profile for a side splitting laugh. FYI He suggested Santa's Workshop in Colorado Springs as a good place to meet for the first time:

ok so im revamping my profile just because i can =). about me...i love the outdoors and the moutions are were i find alot of peace. iv lived in the springs sence i was 6months old. i love colorado, even the weather. i own 3 turtles. im a dog lover but cant have one were i live.

the relationships i have with friends and family are very important to me. i know there is a god but im not religious. i seek to be a spiritual person. a good ideal to live by is, wanting what i have instead of having what i want. because that doesnt nessasarily mean you find happyness that way. i do know alot of interesting but usless facts :) they intreage me.

im not a pc kind of guy and if im wearing pink its because no one actually showed me how to do laundry. haha. just to let you all know i dont drink or some weed but if you do thats fine. its just not my thing anymore. if that makes you feel wierd ummmmm owell :)lol

as for this site i figured out that no im not filling out an "application to be hired" im looking for an equal that will take interest in me also. im very family orientated. its the most important thing there is.

ill leave you with this poem.

love is like a rose, gentel and buitiful, but willing to shed blood in its defence.

.ok ladies one more thing. if you say you want to meet and never end up doing it or keep canceling or not even call to say whats up. for real whats the fkn point? DONT WAIST MY TIME. im not waisting yours.

I promise.  I won't "waist" his time.

"Looking for someone honest"

Honesty.  It's a huge part of developing a new relationship, and probably an even bigger part of why many of my relationships have failed.  I've always considered myself a huge stickler for honesty.  However, after careful consideration, I think I've been lying to myself all this time.  I'm not honest at all in my online dating responses. 

For example: this fine fellow here recently emailed me with a "Your cute, I promise you will be laughing in one minute with me."  (His spelling, his words.)  I totally lied to this guy and said "Thanks for the email, but I'm seeing someone right now."

His profile headline is "Looking for someone honest."  So, here goes (because I'm not honest enough to write this as a response).

Dear dbell99,

You indicate you'd like honesty in your next relationship so I'd like to provide my honest opinion in the hopes it helps you in the future with your online dating experience.  Honestly, just because it's the holidays it does not mean that you should post a picture in your Santa boxer shorts and your Steeler's Santa hat.  Some holiday photos say fun loving, this says weird.  I mean, really....what were you wearing before you put on this ensemble, or is this how you wake up on Christmas morn?   And secondly, in one of your other 12 profile pictures, you are wearing a very dirty sweatshirt.  While I'm not sure that the 10 other pictures show you to be an attractive man, they do seem to indicate that you are at least clean, which may be enough for some girls.  I understand that you're standing in front of an empty closet, so maybe this is your only option, but still.


You've asked for honesty, and here it is, you're just not the man for me.


Best of luck and Happy New Year.  (Oh and it's "you're" cute, not "your", just FYI.)


A

Harmonizing.

Free dating sites are, just that, free. And you get what you pay for. (See creepy mug shot man below.) When I was first divorced I took a year on sort of a "honeymoon with myself" and then tried eHarmony. I wasn't ready. This is a site built for relationships. For people that weren't still getting over a long marriage that ended (even though I ended it and it's the best decision I think I've ever made.) And so, it was really a waste of a $100. Well, they ran a special and lord knows I love a bargain. So, I'm giving it a shot. This will probably not result in solving the immediate "who WILL I go with to the Dodgeball event", but will probably result in some more interesting dates. As my best friend reminded me today - I probably only have time to go on a couple of first dates a month. So, here's my MUST HAVES and CAN'T STANDS. I'm wondering if I should take this list to a therapist.....because I'm reading some stuff into it.

MUST HAVE

Intellect...
I must have a partner who is bright and can share my understanding of the world as well as enjoy discussing important issues.
Sense of Humor...
I must have someone who is sharp and can enjoy the humorous side of life.
Emotionally Healthy...
I must have a partner who is emotionally healthy, and able to share a stable life with someone else.
Industriousness...
I must have someone who is willing to work hard at whatever they do.
Passionate...
I must have someone who is willing to explore our sexual desires with passion and understanding.
Loyal...
I must have someone I can count on to always support me.
Responsible...
My partner must be financially responsible.
Curiosity...
I must have a partner who is hungry for new information and knowledge and who strives to learn as much as possible.
Affectionate...
I must have someone who is comfortable giving and receiving affection.
Chemistry...
I must feel deeply in love with and attracted to my partner.

CAN'T STAND

Lying...
I can't stand someone who lies to anyone-especially to me.
Dependence...
I can't stand someone who bases their happiness on me.
Punctuality...
I can't stand someone who is always late.
Cheating...
I can't stand someone who takes advantage of people.
Undependable...
I can't stand someone who fails to come through and is unreliable.
Lazy...
I can't stand someone who likes to spend excessive time sleeping, resting or being a "couch potato."
Depressed...
I can't stand someone who is constantly unhappy about their life.
Pessimism...
I can't stand someone who always sees the glass as half empty.
Unhappy at Work...
I can't stand someone who hates their job and complains about it all the time.
Victim Mentality...
While everyone has times of self-pity, I can't stand someone who continually sees himself/herself as a victim.