Going Mamma Bear on my dating self.

My kids are my life.  As a couple of my friends have reminded me, this is new since the divorce.  Don't get me wrong, I've always loved my children.  It's just that in the last three years I've truly begun to get to know them.  I'm not stressed (well, not as stressed).  I hardly yell.  I let things go. I've turned into a total Mamma Bear.  I am, as these friends say, a better mom now than I was when I was married.

But, to be honest, I've also used my kiddos as a shield to help prevent me into getting involved in anything real.  They're an incredible excuse to have when you're on a date.  I don't know how single women without kids escape from bad date situations.  Saying you have to pick them up from the ex/sitter/friend's is such a quick and easy way to ditch a situation.  And who's going to call you out on that?

But, here's the other things I do, as a hyper sensitive single mom, when dating, which maybe aren't exclusive to single moms at all, but just smart things for single women to do:

I don't let the guy know the ages or genders of my kids on a first or second date.  I'm deathly afraid of some guy trolling these dating sites looking for a mom of a young boy/girl in their target age. 

My address is very protected.  With the exception of Mr. Bellyflop and The Happy Meal Toy very few of the men that I've dated know my address.  I suppose they could look it up.  That is if they knew my last name. 

My last name.  I don't often tell it. It rarely comes up.  Guys think that I've told them, and then feel stupid about asking. I have a specific email address that's just for my blind dating that doesn't have this information.  Here's the deal.  The moment I know your last name I'm Googling you.  (Reminds me of one of the best Amanda Palmer song as of late.....).  Because I do this, I assume others do this as well.  My last name changed and my ex-name is much more hit upon than the new one, so there's a buffer. 

I take photos of or write down license plate numbers.  I forward dating profiles to friends before I go out.  I arrive early and look for parking close to the meeting place.  I have a rather unique vehicle, so it's difficult for me to avoid them remembering that I'm in an Orange Honda Element, but still.  Now granted, I'm taking a risk every time I go on one of these dates and if they were of the psychotic persuasion, I guess I'm basically screwed, but for the most part I haven't had any issues. 

 Oh, and I definitely don't let them know about this blog.

Niche Dating

So, I've gone to more a niche online dating experience. I'm on a site just for single parents. I figured I'd be matched with people in my area that are going through the same thing I am and that understand my ridiculous schedule. And, for the most part, they're less like the guy blogged about last week and more like what I'm looking for. I'm in the midst of some fun email conversations, but due to my back to school schedule have yet to have free time to meet any of them. And they all seem to understand. Guys without kids don't get it.

I've been contacted though by people not even in the same state as me. Which seems weird. As a single mom, I hardly have time to even look at travel magazines, let alone travel for a relationship. This guy is from California. And, while maybe I shouldn't judge, what is this photo trying to say...."I really am a bargain hunter and I have a phone that I got in 1999."

So, while I doubt I'm going to run into Mr. Mug Shot from below on the Single Parent site, I'm thinking I'm still going to run into a few complete dorks.

Mr. Tot

"I love tater tots and I hate my kid."

No - this was not a sentence written by a date in an email, but it's how I remember this guy after our third date. First two dates, uneventful. Coffee at Starbucks (where he informed me he hated coffee) and a Bronco game (where the people seated around me informed me that he brings a lot of really stupid women to the game). But the third date was a Christmas party. I was still kindof getting to know the guy. 30 minutes of rushed, caffeinated conversation coupled with screaming at the Broncos to kill the Chiefs does not allow you to get to know someone well.

So, when Mr. Tot invited me to a client's Christmas party in south-suburbia I thought "what the hell". I met him at a neutral location (safety first, right?) and headed out into a blizzard with him towards Roxborough. He was a horrible driver, listened to country music the entire time and talked about how awful his kid was with the occasional mention about how great the food at this party always was.

When we showed up, people seemed surprised to see him, as if he was only invited out of courtesy. Turns out, he'd been laid off from a couple of positions where they had known him from. And, he didn't RSVP that he was bringing a date. And, did I mention, I just survived a harrowing snow storm driving with a guy who admitted it was probably his anger management issues which makes him not like his child. I had determined at that point that there was really no point in seeing him any more. But, he was my ride so I stuck around.

But the food, oh the food, was the memorable part of the evening. A cold spiral sliced ham and tater tot casserole. I'm not a huge fan of the tots. (Unless they're fried in the basement diner at my old dorm and covered in seasoned salt.) But if you shellac them with cream of mushroom soup and cover them with fried onions....I'm rather disgusted. But, dear Mr. Tot said it was the best darn tater tots I was ever going to eat in my life and proceeded to scoop up the biggest spoonful of the nastiness and throw it on my plate.

Covered my carrot sticks and everything.

Self Inflicted Blind Dating is Fun....

or maybe just funny.

After much cajoling by friends and family I've decided......it's time to write some of this shit down.

I was rereading parts of my journal of the last year and talking with friends, married and single and engaged, about the adventures of dating as a 30-something divorced mother of two. What I discovered is this: my experiences are not unique. They're not special. They are not "beautiful and unique snowflakes." My experiences are mimicked by single people, divorced people, married people who are dating (shame on you!) throughout the world. I just have a sense of humor about the whole blessed roller coaster ride.

So I'm going to take a deep breath and admit some of the best, the worst, the craziest. All names have been changed to quirky fake names to protect the innocent (or, simply because I've forgotten their names.)

More tomorrow.